Rodney_gold
R.I.P. 5 June 2018
So yesterday I got to the local supermarket...... Try to find some parking , get a spot and lo and behold , some dumb idiot sneaks in..circle round for another 3 minutes and finally get a spot. The car guard , who looks dodgy , is now hovering near...showing his face so that when I come out , I will recognise him and give him a fat tip for doing boggerol.
Approach the entrance to the store and am scoped out by 4 security ppl , made to feel like a criminal even before I enter.
Get to the trolley stack and try with all my might to free one , after much swearing and a skinned knuckle , get one free and waddya know , its the dreaded KLUK KLUK model which steers where it wants with a mind of its own.
Get to the fruit and veg counter and try to find an avo , either they are bruised to hell and gone or rock hard..but all labelled "ripe and ready to eat" .. find a coupla nectarines but struggle to tear off the plastic bag on the rolls of bags they provide , eventually get one off and spend the next 2 minutes trying to open it , a bit of spit on my fingers finally get it open.
Stick the nectarines in and watch while they fall out , badly sealed bottom and gossamer thin make for disaster.
Select a few more , do the open bag shuffle once again and get to the weigh station. Stand there for 5 minutes whilst being surrounded by 17 staff and managers , all of whom studiously ignore me. After 4 cries for help , some humungous lumpolard saunters up with an insolent look on her face and slams the nectarines on the scales..I see the juice oozing out one...but the scales are broken...off she saunters to find a manager...I give up on the fresh fruit.
Next on the list is the deli counter..14 ladies slicing meat and weighing and packing cheese ... talking about last night and Egoli ..but not a server in sight. Burn my hand on the glass where the shriveled and dried up pies are...no warning its hot.
I ahem ahem 5 times and eventually someone approaches...also with the look of "this is too much trouble for me and you disturbed a good skinner"
Ask if they have pressed tongue..curt answer NO..but I can SEE the unopened loaf of pressed tongue and point it out. Reluctantly she fishes it out. I see the one end is the tips of the tongue in masses of aspic and the other end is the good meaty bit..ask her to slice from the good bit..I want 300gms.. she and I proceed to get into heated discussion over which end she is "allowed" to slice from..eventually persuade her to go from the good end.
Ask for the tongue to be sliced thin and don't want the first end piece, totally ignored and the slices are at least 3mm thick..Im being punished for my insolence at being a customer.
Now to get some coffee , milk sugar and bread, and traverse the store 3 x looking for it , of course coffee is one end , bread the other , milk and sugar separated by 7 aisles.
All the while my trolley is clucking much louder and I'm having to use all my strength to avoid packers , stacks of tins in the middle of the aisles , store managers and groups of ladies who leave their trolleys to block your progress and are comparing prices.
They don't have nescafe..out of stock and the smallest bag of sugar is a 25kg sack..the milks expiry date is today....and of course , the bottle I select is leaking. I get 2x2 litres cokes.
On to the biscuit section..seem sure the no name brand lemon creams which are R13.99 were R10.99 last week..but no way to check.
Decide I had enough and go to the check out....I have 7 items and go to the till marked 10 items or less... only 2 tellers open out of a possible 24..its lunch time and the store is packed. The lady in front of me has 2 full trolleys ... 10 items or less? Takes 17 minutes to ring up her goods which includes 3 unpriced items which are checked by someone that has the walking pace of a moribund snail. Finally it's my turn...but the cow in front of me decides she wants to withdraw cash and pay a parking fine at the till..would be ok , but the R143.50 parking fine is paid in silver and coppers.
I get to the till point , and face a scowling cashier..who mumble something..definitely not hello..I ask her to repeat 3x and eventually make out that she is asking me if I want bags and have any cards..Yes bags , no cards..do I want a card..no..but why don't I want a card.
With all the strength of a shot putter , she scans my items and flings them to the packing area..2 items don't scan and she takes another 3 minutes to manually enter the codes while I watch my once perfect nectarines ooze some more juice from their fresh injuries. 6 litres of cooldrink , 2 litres of dripping milk and the rest of my purchases ar all packed in one bag..I ask for another and am ignored..I heft the bag and can feel the handles stretching.
Present my CC, am asked to enter my pin , try to explain my card needs no pin...but ALL cards need a pin..no mine doesn't.. so after 2 minutes debating this , she proceeds to swipe..sure I hear her muttering something about "you bugger" but realise its "straight or budget".
We wait , we wait some more , nothing is happening with the card machine , we wait some more..the system is slow..all the while I'm desperately trying to grab the card from her sweaty paws to stop her from swiping it again, and possibly again, thus debiting me thrice.
The sale goes thru and I am relieved to be able to get out..the security guys give me totally dirty looks as I exit.
Get to my car and find some ass has parked his Musoyonghummer SUV 2" from the drivers door , open the passenger door and wriggle across , lugging the leaking bag which has now torn. The gear lever stabs me in the testicles and I hear the trolley crash into my car.
As I am thrashing around in agony , all of a sardine the car guard and trolley guy appear..a double whammy....
I start the car and have the car guard behind me ..I'm trying to get out but am expected to rely on some indigent who has never driven a day in his life as to how to get out a parking spot. I follow his direction and am nearly bashed by a 1/2 blind driver in a delivery truck that thinks he can squeeze past me , roll down the window and give the car guard R5...obviously not enough as he looks at me with scorn..I bark Fuggorff to the trolley guy..making sure he is at least 10 ft away from me , don't want a trolley scrape. Try to get out the parking lot and 4 minutes later after having to wait for some driver trying to get a 2.5m wide car into a 4m wide bay attempt it 4x , I hit the open road andn proceed home....
Approach the entrance to the store and am scoped out by 4 security ppl , made to feel like a criminal even before I enter.
Get to the trolley stack and try with all my might to free one , after much swearing and a skinned knuckle , get one free and waddya know , its the dreaded KLUK KLUK model which steers where it wants with a mind of its own.
Get to the fruit and veg counter and try to find an avo , either they are bruised to hell and gone or rock hard..but all labelled "ripe and ready to eat" .. find a coupla nectarines but struggle to tear off the plastic bag on the rolls of bags they provide , eventually get one off and spend the next 2 minutes trying to open it , a bit of spit on my fingers finally get it open.
Stick the nectarines in and watch while they fall out , badly sealed bottom and gossamer thin make for disaster.
Select a few more , do the open bag shuffle once again and get to the weigh station. Stand there for 5 minutes whilst being surrounded by 17 staff and managers , all of whom studiously ignore me. After 4 cries for help , some humungous lumpolard saunters up with an insolent look on her face and slams the nectarines on the scales..I see the juice oozing out one...but the scales are broken...off she saunters to find a manager...I give up on the fresh fruit.
Next on the list is the deli counter..14 ladies slicing meat and weighing and packing cheese ... talking about last night and Egoli ..but not a server in sight. Burn my hand on the glass where the shriveled and dried up pies are...no warning its hot.
I ahem ahem 5 times and eventually someone approaches...also with the look of "this is too much trouble for me and you disturbed a good skinner"
Ask if they have pressed tongue..curt answer NO..but I can SEE the unopened loaf of pressed tongue and point it out. Reluctantly she fishes it out. I see the one end is the tips of the tongue in masses of aspic and the other end is the good meaty bit..ask her to slice from the good bit..I want 300gms.. she and I proceed to get into heated discussion over which end she is "allowed" to slice from..eventually persuade her to go from the good end.
Ask for the tongue to be sliced thin and don't want the first end piece, totally ignored and the slices are at least 3mm thick..Im being punished for my insolence at being a customer.
Now to get some coffee , milk sugar and bread, and traverse the store 3 x looking for it , of course coffee is one end , bread the other , milk and sugar separated by 7 aisles.
All the while my trolley is clucking much louder and I'm having to use all my strength to avoid packers , stacks of tins in the middle of the aisles , store managers and groups of ladies who leave their trolleys to block your progress and are comparing prices.
They don't have nescafe..out of stock and the smallest bag of sugar is a 25kg sack..the milks expiry date is today....and of course , the bottle I select is leaking. I get 2x2 litres cokes.
On to the biscuit section..seem sure the no name brand lemon creams which are R13.99 were R10.99 last week..but no way to check.
Decide I had enough and go to the check out....I have 7 items and go to the till marked 10 items or less... only 2 tellers open out of a possible 24..its lunch time and the store is packed. The lady in front of me has 2 full trolleys ... 10 items or less? Takes 17 minutes to ring up her goods which includes 3 unpriced items which are checked by someone that has the walking pace of a moribund snail. Finally it's my turn...but the cow in front of me decides she wants to withdraw cash and pay a parking fine at the till..would be ok , but the R143.50 parking fine is paid in silver and coppers.
I get to the till point , and face a scowling cashier..who mumble something..definitely not hello..I ask her to repeat 3x and eventually make out that she is asking me if I want bags and have any cards..Yes bags , no cards..do I want a card..no..but why don't I want a card.
With all the strength of a shot putter , she scans my items and flings them to the packing area..2 items don't scan and she takes another 3 minutes to manually enter the codes while I watch my once perfect nectarines ooze some more juice from their fresh injuries. 6 litres of cooldrink , 2 litres of dripping milk and the rest of my purchases ar all packed in one bag..I ask for another and am ignored..I heft the bag and can feel the handles stretching.
Present my CC, am asked to enter my pin , try to explain my card needs no pin...but ALL cards need a pin..no mine doesn't.. so after 2 minutes debating this , she proceeds to swipe..sure I hear her muttering something about "you bugger" but realise its "straight or budget".
We wait , we wait some more , nothing is happening with the card machine , we wait some more..the system is slow..all the while I'm desperately trying to grab the card from her sweaty paws to stop her from swiping it again, and possibly again, thus debiting me thrice.
The sale goes thru and I am relieved to be able to get out..the security guys give me totally dirty looks as I exit.
Get to my car and find some ass has parked his Musoyonghummer SUV 2" from the drivers door , open the passenger door and wriggle across , lugging the leaking bag which has now torn. The gear lever stabs me in the testicles and I hear the trolley crash into my car.
As I am thrashing around in agony , all of a sardine the car guard and trolley guy appear..a double whammy....
I start the car and have the car guard behind me ..I'm trying to get out but am expected to rely on some indigent who has never driven a day in his life as to how to get out a parking spot. I follow his direction and am nearly bashed by a 1/2 blind driver in a delivery truck that thinks he can squeeze past me , roll down the window and give the car guard R5...obviously not enough as he looks at me with scorn..I bark Fuggorff to the trolley guy..making sure he is at least 10 ft away from me , don't want a trolley scrape. Try to get out the parking lot and 4 minutes later after having to wait for some driver trying to get a 2.5m wide car into a 4m wide bay attempt it 4x , I hit the open road andn proceed home....
