Author Topic: Time to go!  (Read 6472 times)

Offline ballistic

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Time to go!
« on: October 22, 2014, 08:16:53 AM »
I thought I would share my experiances with you guys.

My mom is 70 years old, suffers from diabetes, alzheimers and high blood pressure and I have been looking after her for several months now. That included having to bathe, dress and as of late having to feed her occasionally as she now finds it difficult to even hold a fork or spoon. This also included little things like moving her legs on and off the bed, changing her daipers, doing her washing, making sure she gets her medication in the morning and evenings, making her some breakfast and tea, lunch and supper, brushing her hair, cleaning her room etc. Then we get the constant calling early hours of the morning, just to be asked to pull the blanket straight. Which by the way was already in place, and as you lay your head down to fall asleep again, a call for water or something to drink. Very often my 10 year old would be standing by my bedside saying " Gam is calling (her nickname)" because I could'nt hear her call, and this at 4am. I situation like this affect your whole family. Kids have this tendancy to say what is on ther minds, often without thinking. Whic is when we as parents have to step in adn say things like, "Hey that's your granny you talking about!" or "why must she always call me, jussso!"

But the hardest thing for me (and I am sure most men will agree) was when it came to the bathing. I tell you this, THAT NO MAN SHOULD HAVE TO WASH HIS MOMS BUSINESS!!!! It's just not right to do that, and it just never gets easier on you.

So after a long battle, she is finally off to a frail care home this morning as I can no longer offer her the care that I so much wanted to give her. In act, I think I will do more damage by keeping her here at home. A very difficult decision to make. Even while I am typing this, I am trying to convince myself that I should keep her at home. Reason for me still wanting to do that, no human being should be on ther own at this age and in this condition. They should be with family!!!! And then you have her crying and saying, "please dont put me in a home" Jurre man, that softens the heart in a jiffy!

But......

Heaven forbid that any of you should have to make this decision, if it comes to that just remember one thing, you cannot offer your parents the care they need when they are at this stage. They need 24 hour pro care. Unless you have the funds for it, maybe sell the power amp or those yellow cones, something like that :-)

To mommy!

I ask that one day when you are no longer here, that you get on the AVf Forums, read this and forgive me for letting you go and putting you in there, and that you can see I had no choice.  :pray:

Soooo.......Have a blessed day forumites!!! and remember "chin up!"

 :thumbs: :thumbs: :thumbs:

Offline chipwelder

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Re: Time to go!
« Reply #1 on: October 22, 2014, 08:30:02 AM »
Hard choice... very hard. The job of giving long term care is perhaps harder still.
OK! I've had it! I don't give anymore Kharma. Kharma should work in mysterious ways...

Offline TimbaLand

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Re: Time to go!
« Reply #2 on: October 22, 2014, 08:30:36 AM »
All of the best man
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Offline ballistic

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Re: Time to go!
« Reply #3 on: October 22, 2014, 08:39:48 AM »
Thanx for the words guys. It's almost time to leave  :vsad: Have to be there by 11.

Offline kamikazi

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Re: Time to go!
« Reply #4 on: October 22, 2014, 09:03:07 AM »
Really feel your pain and all the best with this journey. Our family went through a similar journey with my grandmother, she passed away last year, and I think it was the most difficult decision my mother ever had to make to put her in frail care, but your mother will be in good hands. I have to say the people that looked after my grandmother were fantastic, considering that it is really tough to work with Alzheimers patients. One thing that we found that helped a lot with my grandmother was to furnish her room with some of her favourite things, such as family photos a couple of items of familiar furniture. My grandmother would never stop talking about my grandfather and their 50yr wedding anniversary every time she looked at the photo. If your mother has a private room I think that could help as well.

Offline ballistic

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Re: Time to go!
« Reply #5 on: October 22, 2014, 09:59:00 AM »
Hi Kamakazi.

Unfortunetly, they share a room with someone :-( But I get what you saying. I have included some photos and other items, just so that she wont be so lost when she gets there. My biggest heartache is, because she has alzheimers, I have to remind her that she is going to a home, and that starts the whole crying process all over again, which in turn leads me to start crying again. It's like a wheel, over and over again.

But I know she will be offered better care by the home, way more than what I can offer her here. That's all that is stopping me from keeping her at home.

Thanx though :-)

Offline Mistro

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Re: Time to go!
« Reply #6 on: October 22, 2014, 10:00:36 AM »
All the best man.
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Offline Scrat

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Re: Time to go!
« Reply #7 on: October 22, 2014, 10:09:40 AM »
Very, very tough decision. But it's the right one. All the best.
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Offline ballistic

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Re: Time to go!
« Reply #8 on: October 22, 2014, 10:20:11 AM »
 :thumbs:

Offline mahleu

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Re: Time to go!
« Reply #9 on: October 22, 2014, 10:23:31 AM »
I read this the other day. Sums up a difficult decision very well http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-29644976
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Offline ballistic

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Re: Time to go!
« Reply #10 on: October 22, 2014, 11:14:05 AM »
First i ws suppose to be there at 11, now it's 12:30 The devil works in mysterious ways.

Quote
http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-29644976

Pretty much says it all. The look she gives me with tears in her eyes is the most heart wrenching experiance ever :vsad:

And here is the saddest part of it all, my sister lives on the same property, not even more than 15m away. She just don't give a :cr@p:

The fothermucker!
« Last Edit: October 22, 2014, 11:24:52 AM by ballistic »

Offline WD

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Re: Time to go!
« Reply #11 on: October 22, 2014, 11:50:38 AM »
You are absolutely doing the right thing. I looked after my mom at the end of her life as well and also had to put her into frail care eventually because she wasn't eating anymore and needed pain management for cancer. It breaks your heart but you have to consider the impact and consequences on your family if you don't do it.

Don't be too hard on your sister - some people have different ways of coping with this situation and some just can't do it. Your mom was blessed to have you caring for her but now is the right time to get her into specialised care.

Offline ballistic

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Re: Time to go!
« Reply #12 on: October 22, 2014, 11:59:20 AM »
Quote
Don't be too hard on your sister - some people have different ways of coping with this situation and some just can't do it.

I understand your point, but she does ......

Lets not go there  :fuse: :fuse: :fuse: :fuse:

But thanx to all for the kind words and advise, it greatly appreciated. On the up side of all this (Lord forgive me), and believe me when I say this, it in no way, or ever will makes up for me having to put my mom in a home. I now have a spare room!

Any ideas?

Just to lighten the conversation a bit :-)

Got's to go, it's time  :vsad:

Will check in a bit later for some suggestions.

Later guys

Offline kamikazi

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Re: Time to go!
« Reply #13 on: October 22, 2014, 12:13:15 PM »
Keeping you in my thoughts today. You've done as much as you could to help and you shouldn't lose sight of that.

Offline ballistic

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Re: Time to go!
« Reply #14 on: October 22, 2014, 02:41:42 PM »
I just got back, and man oh man was it hard. I will never ever forget her face, those eyes asking me why! Dammit!!!!

 A biiiiig thank you to all the forum members that kept me in there thoughts and prayers. God bless you all.