Author Topic: Joke for the day  (Read 1040183 times)

Offline adie

Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #7455 on: August 13, 2019, 10:24:08 PM »
Square Testicles               

This is a joke that is supposed to bring you the luck of the Irish.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Ireland one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.

After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.

The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, '$165,000'.

The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money . The elderly woman replied that she made bets.

The president was surprised and asked, 'What kind of bets?'

The elderly woman replied, 'Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square.'

The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.           

The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, 'Would you like to take my bet?'

'Certainly', replied the president. 'I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square.'

'Done', the elderly woman answered. 'But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 ' clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness.'

'No problem', said the president of the Bank confidently.

That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.

The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square.

The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.

The president was happy to oblige.

The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked    the president if she could touch them. 'Of course', said the president. 'Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure.'

The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, 'Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock this morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Royal Bank of Ireland '

The origin of this Irish story is unknown but it brings luck to everyone to whom it is sent. Whoever breaks the chain would definitely be unlucky.     

Do not keep this letter. And do not send money. Just forward it to five of your friends to whom you wish good luck. Something good will happen to you in the next four days. If the chain is not broken, you will have good luck during the four days.

Even if all you do is make someone laugh, send it on!         
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Offline JonnyP

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #7456 on: August 13, 2019, 10:55:04 PM »
Quick tip - remove the word Royal from the bank if talking to an Irish citizen or a Republican in the North.  Even the Ulstermen May be annoyed if you call it Royal Bank of Ireland rather than Royal Bank of Ulster
The Philosophers have only interpreted the world in various ways.  The point, however, is to change it.

Offline Trompie67

Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #7457 on: August 14, 2019, 06:39:05 AM »
*Insert profound or witty phrase here*

Online Lupo

Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #7458 on: August 14, 2019, 07:05:40 AM »
 :BWAHAHAH:

Offline CAD

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #7459 on: August 15, 2019, 06:14:53 AM »
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Online BJ

Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #7460 on: August 15, 2019, 08:44:04 AM »
.

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Shunyata - See No Evil; Hear No Evil

Offline Toxxyc

Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #7461 on: August 15, 2019, 08:47:28 AM »
.

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If you put Budweiser on tap there you will never run out.  Just let the urinals run back into the kegs.

Offline Trompie67

Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #7462 on: August 15, 2019, 03:00:01 PM »
If you put Budweiser on tap there you will never run out.  Just let the urinals run back into the kegs.

Or Castle Light...... :ROFLMAO:
*Insert profound or witty phrase here*

Offline Trompie67

Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #7463 on: August 15, 2019, 03:14:00 PM »
Staying with the beer theme:

*Insert profound or witty phrase here*

Offline Family_Dog

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #7464 on: August 15, 2019, 03:57:21 PM »
Alas, poor Trompie... I knew him well.

(with apologies to the Bard).


-F_D



-Eric

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Offline Family_Dog

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #7465 on: August 15, 2019, 09:02:55 PM »



-F_D



-Eric

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Offline Trompie67

Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #7466 on: August 15, 2019, 11:22:28 PM »
*Insert profound or witty phrase here*

Offline chrisc

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Re: Specials from Ireland
« Reply #7467 on: August 16, 2019, 08:29:14 AM »
Murphy says to Paddy, "What ya talkin into an envelope for?"
"I'm sending a voicemail ya fool!"

Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador.”
"Blow that," says Mick, "have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"

19 paddies go to the cinema, the ticket lady asks "Why so many of you?"
Mick replies, "The film said 18 or over."

My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!! Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.

I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I start a new job in Seoul next week.  I thought it was a good Korea move.

I was driving this morning when I saw a parked RAC van.
The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.  I thought to myself, that guy's heading for a breakdown.

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not Happy.

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.

Sat opposite an Indian lady on the train today, she shut her eyes and stopped breathing. I thought she was dead, until I saw the red spot on her forehead and realised she was just on standby.

The wife was counting all the 5ps and 10ps out on the kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason.  I thought to myself, "She's going through the change."

When I was in the pub I heard a couple of plonkers saying that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman. What a pair of sexists.  I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the bloody thing!

Local Police hunting the 'knitting needle nutter', who has stabbed six people in the rear in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.

Bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat it!

A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen.. The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman.  The foreman grins at the bear and says "Oh, I forgot to tell you, today's the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked."

My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
Music is the shorthand of emotion

Offline Gerlach

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #7468 on: August 16, 2019, 02:14:57 PM »
Up in JHB side.  :sulky:

Good drivers have dead flies on the side windows. (Walter Röhrl)

Offline MR.C

Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #7469 on: August 16, 2019, 06:56:54 PM »
Up in JHB side.  :sulky:


Works for Government so no surprise there

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