Author Topic: Joke for the day  (Read 866596 times)

Offline Ju_dy@RT

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #6060 on: July 06, 2018, 03:41:30 PM »

Wondering which one or the other?
never seen him with ANY sort of long hair... so right now it's a gamble  ;)

Offline adie

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #6061 on: July 07, 2018, 11:41:51 PM »
A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

A question mark walks into a bar?

A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type."

A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

A synonym strolls into a tavern.

At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

A dyslexic walks into a bra.

A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.

A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.

Offline chrisc

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #6062 on: July 08, 2018, 01:53:34 PM »

Offline HBAutomation

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #6063 on: July 08, 2018, 03:00:44 PM »
 :ROFLMAO:
When You Come to a Fork in the Road, Take It!            [Yogi Berra]

Offline stanhic

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #6064 on: July 10, 2018, 08:46:20 AM »


A sobbing Ms Murphy approaches Fr O’Grady after mass.
He says: “So what’s bothering you?”
She replies: “Oh, Father, I’ve terrible news. My husband passed away last night.”
The priest says: “Oh, Mary, that’s terrible. Did he have any last requests?”
"Certainly father," she replied. “He said: “Please Mary, put down that damn gun.”


One night, Mrs McMillen answers the door to see her husbands best friend, Paddy, standing on the doorstep.
"Hello Paddy, but where is my husband? He went with you to the beer factory"
Paddy shook his head. "Ah Mrs McMillen, there was a terrible accident at the beer factory, your husband fell into a vat of Guinness stout and drowned"
Mrs McMillen starts crying. "Oh don't tell me that, did he at least go quickly?"
Paddy shakes his head. "Not really - he got out 3 times to pee!"

Offline vleisman

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #6065 on: July 10, 2018, 10:52:47 AM »
A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

....

A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.

Nice  :2thumbs: (those that I understood).

Offline BJ

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #6066 on: July 10, 2018, 10:14:04 PM »



Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Shunyata - See No Evil; Hear No Evil

Offline PaganMcLoud

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #6067 on: July 12, 2018, 12:26:21 AM »
Quote
A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.

Brilliant!
From the Dalai Lama:  Cables in allegory, are the "umbilical cord" or thread between life and afterlife. The quality of such life depends on the "source" of the energy, and not on the stitch or the thread...

Offline 2wice

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #6068 on: July 12, 2018, 02:18:25 PM »

Offline stanhic

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #6069 on: July 13, 2018, 06:07:04 AM »


hehehehe

but not on headphones... or will this be the same as going from vinyl to mp3? or is that CD?

Offline naughty

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #6070 on: July 13, 2018, 06:20:16 AM »
^^^ actually use two of those and its like going back to the sound of vinyl  :flame:

Offline Rotten Johnny

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #6071 on: July 13, 2018, 07:01:46 AM »
^^^ actually use two of those and its like going back to the sound of vinyl  :flame:
:clap: :giggle:
I like beautiful melodies telling me terrible things -- Tom Waits

Free your mind...and your ass will follow.

Offline fdlsys

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #6072 on: July 13, 2018, 10:50:44 AM »
^^^ actually use two of those and its like going back to the sound of vinyl  :flame:
:clap: :giggle:
Clearly, for the two of you that single plug acts as a "some-noise to dead-silence" converter...  :tongue:
The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl. Dave Barry
Come back when you’ve lived a little. Miles Davis

Offline vleisman

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #6073 on: July 13, 2018, 11:10:35 AM »
^^^ actually use two of those and its like going back to the sound of vinyl  :flame:

Maybe double-check where you're using them, they're supposed to go in the ears  :EGrin:

Offline Rotten Johnny

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #6074 on: July 13, 2018, 05:47:34 PM »
Oom stap in hoerhuis met n groot sak vol
geld en se: hy soek n fikse meisie! ... Hulle is
kamer toe en begin seks he.... 3 dae later
staan hy op en rook gou. Hy staan voor die
bed en bekyk haar op en af! Blaas sy rook uit
en se: Meisie jy gaan my nou vir n paar dae
nie sien nie!"... Sy is half hartseer, maar
gaan oom nou weg???" So terwyl hy sy
sigaret dood druk kyk hy haar stip in die oe
en se: "Nee meisie, ek gaan jou nou
omdraai!!"
I like beautiful melodies telling me terrible things -- Tom Waits

Free your mind...and your ass will follow.