Author Topic: Joke for the day  (Read 868153 times)

Offline Hi-Phibian

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #5775 on: December 12, 2017, 09:28:01 PM »
I love you, you love me, let’s get together and kill Barney.  With a baseball bat and a 4x4, no more purple dinosaur.







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Online JonnyP

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #5776 on: December 12, 2017, 09:48:33 PM »
I still think the reason for Barney’s existence was a conversation between a coked up exec and a stoner on LSD
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Offline kenvanraas

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #5777 on: December 12, 2017, 09:59:08 PM »
Teletubbies?

Online JonnyP

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #5778 on: December 12, 2017, 10:28:36 PM »
Same but crack and crystal meth
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Online HBAutomation

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #5779 on: December 12, 2017, 10:48:50 PM »
Naa... definitely Shrooms!  :o
When You Come to a Fork in the Road, Take It!            [Yogi Berra]

Online JonnyP

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #5780 on: December 12, 2017, 11:25:21 PM »
That’s ‘In The Night Garden’ that is weirder than The Magic Roundabout in French overdubbed badly into Polish (as entertainment on a bus followed by ‘The Last Starfighter’ and ‘Benji’ (vodka and lots of it)
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Online HBAutomation

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #5781 on: December 12, 2017, 11:46:04 PM »
 :giggle:
When You Come to a Fork in the Road, Take It!            [Yogi Berra]

Offline chrisc

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #5782 on: December 13, 2017, 11:24:54 AM »
Even duct tape can’t fix stupid… but it can muffle the sound

Offline LouisF

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #5783 on: December 13, 2017, 03:49:30 PM »
A certain lady visited the undertaker to identify the body of her late husband. She told the mortician - a young blonde girl - that it is such a pity the body was clad in the blue suit when he passed away, for she never thought blue suits him. So she gave a blank signed cheque to the mortician and said "Please go buy a black suit for him; black is really his colour. Spare no expense." The girl said OK and the lady in mourning left. Two days later she walked into the undertaker's again asked the mortician if she had managed to find a black suit. The mortician said sure, no problem, handed the woman back her cheque, still blank, and said that she did not have to use it, after all. The lady said "No, but you must accept the cheque, you cannot carry the cost yourself!" The mortician however insisted that she had had no expense at all. The lady asked "How is that possible?" "No" the mortician replied "shortly after you left another lady was here to also identify her husband's body and said she wished her husband was not wearing his black suit; she would have much preferred him to wear a blue suit instead. I told her 'No sweat, I'll fix it'."

"And what you do then?" asked the first lady.

"After she had left I switched the heads."


Bet you didn't see that coming!
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how you treat people ultimately tells all."
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I have learned more from people who have differed from me than from those who have agreed with me.

Online JonnyP

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #5784 on: December 13, 2017, 04:39:03 PM »
So I was doing some Xmas shopping the other day and had to stop by Exclusive books.  I asked the lady behind the counter if they had any books about turtles. "Hardback?" she responded, "Yep, with little heads"......

A man is sat having a drink in an airport lounge, waiting for his flight to be called.  As he is sat there a stunning woman walks into the bar and sits on the bar-stool next to him. She is wearing a uniform and he thinks "She must be cabin crew for one of the top airlines. I'll find out which one by running some of their advertising slogans past her."

Thinking it might be British Airways, he says "The worlds favourite airline?"
She looks at him a little quizzically, but says nothing and just goes back to her drink.
So he thinks "Maybe it's Singapore Airlines," and says "A better way to fly?"
Again she looks at him, but says nothing and goes back to her drink.
So he thinks "Maybe it's Thai Airlines. Their tagline is "As smooth as Silk""
So he says to her "As smooth as silk?"
She turns to him and says, very aggressively "What the f@#k do you want?"

And he says "Ahhhh...SAA!"

I'll get me coat.
Are you waiting for loneliness to paralyse? Are you waiting for sister midnight to anaesthetise?

Offline adie

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #5785 on: December 13, 2017, 04:41:04 PM »
So I was doing some Xmas shopping the other day and had to stop by Exclusive books.  I asked the lady behind the counter if they had any books about turtles. "Hardback?" she responded, "Yep, with little heads"......

A man is sat having a drink in an airport lounge, waiting for his flight to be called.  As he is sat there a stunning woman walks into the bar and sits on the bar-stool next to him. She is wearing a uniform and he thinks "She must be cabin crew for one of the top airlines. I'll find out which one by running some of their advertising slogans past her."

Thinking it might be British Airways, he says "The worlds favourite airline?"
She looks at him a little quizzically, but says nothing and just goes back to her drink.
So he thinks "Maybe it's Singapore Airlines," and says "A better way to fly?"
Again she looks at him, but says nothing and goes back to her drink.
So he thinks "Maybe it's Thai Airlines. Their tagline is "As smooth as Silk""
So he says to her "As smooth as silk?"
She turns to him and says, very aggressively "What the f@#k do you want?"

And he says "Ahhhh...SAA!"

I'll get me coat.

 :BWAHAHAH: :BWAHAHAH:, on both counts.

Offline Heinrich

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #5786 on: December 19, 2017, 10:01:51 AM »
someone told me that i can make ice cubes with left over wine.
i am confused, what is left over wine?

Offline Toxxyc

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #5787 on: December 19, 2017, 10:08:52 AM »
https://www.gumtree.co.za/a-speakers/bellville/dancing-water-speakers-for-sale/1001981136620911108771009

who needs a christmas tree when you have these.

At least they're black.  Would have danced like **** if they were white.

Offline Heinrich

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #5788 on: December 19, 2017, 10:09:36 AM »
At least they're black.  Would have danced like **** if they were white.

HAHAHAHAHA
someone told me that i can make ice cubes with left over wine.
i am confused, what is left over wine?

Offline Mongoose

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #5789 on: December 19, 2017, 02:27:10 PM »
I would buy a pair, if it had yellow cones