Joke for the day

[adie]

So, there is this older couple.

The husband comes in the bedroom all excited, and says to his wife, "Honey, I just bought a pack of these new Olympic condoms...which color should we use: gold,silver, or bronze?"

His wife replies, "You should wear silver, and come second for a change."

[adie]

THE HUMAN Resources people in the Australian Federal Government don’t mince their words. Here are some extracts from employee performance evaluations:

●Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig.

●I would not allow this employee to breed.

●This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won’t-be.

●Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

●He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.

●This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

●He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

●This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

●This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.

●A gross ignoramus, 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

●When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.

●A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.

●If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

●Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.

●The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

[Eendstop]

While on the topic, I remember this one from an episode in the TV series "House" where the guy referred to a woman being dumb, saying:
"The difference between my IQ and hers is much more than between her and an animal's IQ. Should I have sex with her, it would be bestiality"

 

[adie]

I'm reminded, apropos of absolutely nothing, of the old Max Wall joke (for which he was banned from appearing on the BBC for twenty years):

 

"A beautiful girl was walking across a very narrow bridge. I didn't know if I should block her passage or toss myself off"

[Family_Dog]

MALE SNSITIVITY


The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands.The instructor said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good
 
for you. Walking is  especially beneficial.  It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just
 
pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path."  "Gentlemen, remember --
 
you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for
 
you  both." The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this information. After a few moments a man,
 
name unknown, at the back of the room, slowly  raised his hand. "Yes?" said the Instructor. "I was just wondering if it
 
would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?" Brings a tear to your eye doesn't it? This kind of sensitivity
 
just can't be taught.

[adie]

I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted to me...

Oi whats your disability?

I said "Tourettes! now **** off you cunt!"

[Atom8]

Where did the Google Chrome logo REALLY come from?

[NoSnipeLimit]

[CAD]

LOL  thats what friends are for

[adie]

A catholic priest got some of his choir boys to shave his hair for a charity day, on being asked how it felt the priest replied.. well its nice, it makes my **** look bigger !

[ish]

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.

The Indian Chief proclaims,"So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger" ... 

"In honour of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days."

''Before I kill you, I grant you three requests"  "What is your FIRST request???' 

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."

The Chief nods and Silver is brought

before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away. 

Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back.

The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. 
"You have a very fine and loyal horse", he admitted.


"But I will still kill you in two days."  "What is your SECOND request???" 


The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear. 

As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon. 

Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns,  this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde.


As the Indian Chief watches, the  brunette enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. 

The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed.
"You are indeed a man of many talents,"

"But I will still kill you tomorrow." 
 
"What is your LAST request " 

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse,  ....  alone." 

The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent. 

Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says,

"READ MY LIPS!!!!"

FOR... THE... LAST... TIME...

 
     
"BRING POSSE!!"

[kHz]

^^^^^ ROFLMAO

[mahleu]

[Scrat]

(Classifieds ad)

"Premature ejaculator seeking female compa.....

Nevermind."

[CAD]

^^^^