Author Topic: Joke for the day  (Read 64913 times)

Hennie

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #45 on: March 03, 2008, 11:49:51 am »
ANGER MANAGEMENT

Husband to wife: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?

Wife: I clean the toilet bowl.

Husband: Now how does that help?

Wife: I use your toothbrush.

Prince

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #46 on: March 03, 2008, 11:56:11 am »
 ;D ;D ;D ;D
"Will Power + Leg Power = Pedal Power"

Family_Dog

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #47 on: March 03, 2008, 07:45:04 pm »


A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask
over his mouth and nose.

  A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"

 
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here
to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again, "Nurse,
please check. Are my testicles black?"

 
Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from
worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls
back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and
his testicles in the other.

 
Then, she takes a close look and says, There's nothing wrong with them,
Sir!"

   
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very
closely......

 
 
A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?



-Eric

That Guy in South Africa...
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Blues

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #48 on: March 03, 2008, 08:14:08 pm »
why do women fake orgasms ???




they think we care...
growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional

Gatskop

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #49 on: March 03, 2008, 10:25:31 pm »
A man goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the urologist as
a precaution. When he gets there, he discovers the urologist is a very
pretty female doctor.

The female doctor says, 'I'm going to check your prostate today, but this
new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to. I
want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check
your prostate, take a deep breath and say 99.

The guy obeys and says 99. The doctor says, 'Great. Now turn over on your
left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say
99.' Again, the guy says 99. The doctor said, 'Very good. Now then, I want
you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly. I'm going to check
your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I'm going to hold on
to your penis.

Now take a deep breath and say 99. The guy begins, 'One .. Two ... Three ...

Gatskop

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #50 on: March 03, 2008, 10:32:24 pm »
The Indians asked their Chief in autumn if the winter was going to be cold or not. Not really knowing an answer, the chief replies that the winter was going to be cold and that the members of the village were to collect wood to be prepared.

Being a good leader, he then went to the next phone booth and called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter to be cold?"

The man on the phone responded, "This winter was going to be quite cold indeed." So the Chief went back to speed up his people to collect even more wood to be prepared.

A week later he called the National Weather Service again, "Is it going to be a VERY cold winter?"

"Yes", the man replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."

So the Chief goes back to his people and orders them to go and find every scrap of wood they can find. Two weeks later he calls the National Weather Service again: "Are you absolutely sure, that the winter is going to be very cold?"

"Absolutely" the man replies, "the Indians are collecting wood like crazy!"

Prince

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #51 on: March 04, 2008, 03:18:50 pm »
 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
"Will Power + Leg Power = Pedal Power"

RR

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #52 on: March 04, 2008, 04:27:51 pm »
Heard some comediant on the radio yesterday.

He said. "I went to watch Mr Bones at Nu Metro yesterday, and I was wondering: If Leon Schuster can make a funny movie...........

Why doesn't he?"

DevillEars

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #53 on: March 04, 2008, 07:03:42 pm »
What will always be, for me, the ultimate in movie crits was this one from way back when:

"The movie 'The Three Van Der Merwes' is showing at the Broadway Cinema -  WHY?"

Ed Herbst (Cape Times - 1970s)

Shonver

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #54 on: March 05, 2008, 08:57:42 am »
LMAO! ;D ;D
________________

DON'T PANIC
Capie

RR

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #55 on: March 05, 2008, 11:11:58 am »
What will always be, for me, the ultimate in movie crits was this one from way back when:

"The movie 'The Three Van Der Merwes' is showing at the Broadway Cinema -  WHY?"

Ed Herbst (Cape Times - 1970s)


good one.

kHz

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #56 on: March 06, 2008, 07:04:22 am »
Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?"
Husband to wife: "Golfing with friends, my dear."
Wife to husband: "What? At 2 am ?"
Husband to wife: "Yes, We used night clubs."

Ampdog

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #57 on: March 07, 2008, 02:59:45 am »
 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
'Miracles' are not contrary to Nature - they are only contrary to our understanding of Nature

Gatskop

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #58 on: March 12, 2008, 08:14:31 am »
Three guys work on a construction site. One is white, one is black and one is Polish. The bell rings for lunch and the white man opens his lunch bag and sighs deeply, saying, "If my wife packs me a ham sandwich again tomorrow I'm jumping off the building." The black guy opens up his lunch, glares and says " If my wife packs me a ham sandwich again tomorrow, I'm going with you." The Polish man opens his lunch, pulls out another ham sandwich, and says "I'm with you guys."

The next day the lunch bell rings. The white man opens his lunch. He says, "Turkey sandwich. I love my wife." The black guy opens his lunch. He says, "Chicken sandwich. I love my wife. The Polish man opened his lunchbox, looked stricken, and said "HAM AGAIN! See ya guys." With that, he jumped off the building. The black guy says " I feel sorry for him." The white man replies, "I'm not, he packs his own lunch."

Gatskop

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Re: Joke for the day
« Reply #59 on: March 13, 2008, 02:09:03 pm »
At a convention of blones, a speaker insisted that "dumb blonde" myth is all wrong. To prove it he asked one cute young volunteer, "How much is 101 plus 20?"
The blonde answered, "120."
"No," he said, "that's not right."
The audience called out, "Give her another chance."
So the speaker asked the blonde, "How much is 10 plus 13?"
Slowly the blonde replied, "16."
"Sorry," he said, shaking his head. Once again the crowd roared, "Give her another chance."
"This is your last try," warned the speaker. "How much is 2 plus 2?"
Carefully she ventured, "Four?"
And the crowd yelled, "Give her another chance!"